This morning I received this email from my wonderful cousin Gretchen Andersen - great mum - all round lovely person and very talented writer - just had to share - I'm sure there are plenty of mums (and dads) out there who can identify with this and will enjoy the chuckle ... Thanks Cuz for brightening up my day and letting me share this with others ... don't worry I won't tell CYFS ;-)
Boy for sale, any reasonable offer considered!
He's got LOTS of energy, and would make a great guard boy...could easily scare off any child-unfriendly visitors you may have, along with birds, mice or other small animals. Eats almost anything you put in front of him, especially if it's previously been refused and is deemed destined for the rubbish bin. Doesn't need much sleep. Good at making train tracks, mud pies, noise and messes. Doesn't need minor accessories like tissues, as has developed an effective "self- cleaning" method (a.k.a. "sharing the slime"). Great at waking babies, cats, neighbours or the dead.
Only minor functional defects, in that the "off" button is missing and the volume control seems stuck on "loud". But I'm sure these could be easily remedied with lots of open space, or alternatively, rubber walls and/or soundproofing. Patience and caregiver-energy might also work, but I haven't got any of that to try at present and the local hardware store seems to have run out.
PLUS, if you get in fast I'll also throw in a bonus Girl for no extra cost! She's great for self-esteem, as she is always in the mood for cuddles and being carried - doubles as a great workout partner, and will tone and strengthen arms, back and stomach if used correctly. Presently also has a self-lubricating face for those extra sloppy kisses. Has an infectious laugh, but the snot isn't similarly contagious. Runs almost entirely on mother's milk still, but is happy to supplement her diet with paper, books, shoes and cat fur so weaning probably wouldn't be a problem if the right foods are chosen. Good at waking those late night partying neighbours early the next morning. Also doesn't need much sleep.
If full-time child(ren) purchase isn't possible for you, I am willing to negotiate part-time or job-share opportunities.
Free shipping available!
Please contact the manager if you'd like to arrange a viewing or trial period.
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