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Monday, May 12, 2008

With conflict - Focus on solutions not problems

Title: Bright Lights (2005)
Media: Acrylic on Canvas

Most arguments focus on problems not solution. When we do this resolution takes longer because we have to work through the other persons defensiveness, their interpretation, their criticism of us and how we have handled it etc.

Try working backwards for a change. State your desired solution first - then let the problems go through this filter. e.g. Instead of saying "why do you play golf all weekend?” try "In the weekend I would really love to spend some time with your relaxing. Can we build in some time to do that without the distraction of golf?"

Focusing on the much wanted result opens the doors for problem solving since the other person won't feel the need to defend their actions. Now you are both working on the same side.

It's really important that your partner knows the positive reasons for your complaint - if they don't then you appear to be nagging all the time. With each complaint there is a positive outcome that we are hoping to achieve - put forward the positive reason for your complaint to encourage collaoration and not opposition.

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